“Just wait…” and other horrendous things people say to pregnant women
Pregnancy has acquainted me with a phrase I have grown to hate: “just wait!”
Let me take you back a few steps so you can understand why this simple phrase makes my stomach turn.
Before becoming pregnant, and I’d say even going back to when I was a child, I absolutely feared pregnancy and childbirth. I used to tell my parents that if I was to ever have a child it would be through adoption because there was no way I was letting THAT happen to my body.
When I began exploring careers based around childcare my fear only intensified, not because of the children themselves but because of the ongoing exposure I often had to pregnant women. I heard all the horror stories.
Oh the ripping… and the tearing… and the leaking…
It was all too much for me, and I came to the resolve that if my destiny was to always be “fun Auntie Ashley,” I’d be alright with it.
Then of course I fell madly in love, got married, and here I am, 38 weeks pregnant.
Boundaries and other things people love.
I have had to set up some serious boundaries around my pregnancy, and not the boundaries I expected I’d have to put up. I thought my biggest struggle would be people giving me unsolicited touches in the grocery store, and though that has happened once or twice, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as people’s traumatic story-telling inclinations. Any woman who has ever had a negative pregnancy or birthing experience merely has to gaze upon my swollen belly, and all of a sudden I’m sitting front row for the re-telling of their birthing story. Instead of flicking hands away from my belly button, I have found myself stopping women (and sometimes men) mid-sentence to say, “I’m sorry, maybe this is a better story for me to hear after baby comes.”
Here’s where the “just wait…” comes in.
I have been working very hard to keep myself in a positive space about pregnancy and birth (hynobirthing is hugely to thank, but more on that later) but I have noticed a pattern develop.
Whenever I am asked, “how are you feeling?” (or any variation of that) and I respond positively, the response is almost immediately receive is, “well, just wait…”
Person: “How are you liking maternity clothes?”
Ashley: “Great! Stretchy and comfortable; I’m thinking about transitioning to maternity pants full time.”
Person: “Well, JUST WAIT until you’re further along; you’ll be sick of them.”
Person: “Being pregnant in the summer is the WORST.”
Ashley: “Oh, it’s actually not that bad. We have air conditioning, so I’ve been more than comfortable.”
Person: “Well, JUST WAIT until it gets hotter and you get more pregnant. You’ll swell up and it’ll be awful.”
Person: “How are you sleeping?”
Ashley: “Pretty good. I’m on summer vacation so if I need to nap, I take one. It’s awesome.”
Person: “Well, JUST WAIT until you have a newborn. You’ll never sleep again.”
Person: “What’s your birth plan?”
Ashley: “I’m hoping to try natural, and see how we do.”
Person: “Well, JUST WAIT until you’re begging for an epidural, because you know it hurts right?”
Needless to say I avoid talking pregnancy and childbirth with a lot of people because it’s depressing AF.
I’m a “7” on the Enneagram; don’t hate me because I’m a positive enthusiast
I am not delusional ; I understand things can be challenging. I also understand I have had a unique experience in that becoming pregnant was not a struggle, and my pregnancy itself has been pretty peaceful. But I don’t think these factors make my experience any less valuable, or un-shareable. I don’t want to live my life in an “Eeyore” state of mind: “it’s not raining now, but it will some day soon.”
I know things aren’t always easy, but I kind of wish more people could have leaned towards the positive side of the “just waits…”
Ashley: “I felt the baby kick!”
Person: “Well just wait until you look at her for the first time!”
Ashley: “I’m trying to be positive about childbirth”
Person: “Well just wait until you see what your body can do; it’s amazing!”
Ashley: “I think my pregnant body is adorable!”
Person: ”Well just wait until you see all of the beautifully weird and wonderful things it does to sustain your baby; it’s a miracle!”
Just wait until you see how beautiful all of this life is. Just wait for the joy, the excitement, the giggles, and the new adventures. Just wait!
SO in celebration of our due date nearing, and soon getting to meet our little bundle, I’d love to hear your POSITIVE “Just Waits…”
Let me have it.
13 thoughts on ““Just wait…””
Just wait, indeed, to see what you body can do! The strength you will have. The calm and strength and awe your husband will have. Giving birth is such a gift, no matter how it goes down. And you’ll be so amazed and empowered by it, I am sure.
Also, just wait until the skin inside your body is resting on top your body. There is nothing else quite like it!
I love all of this so much Laesa! All of this sounds so beautiful— I’m so grateful I’ve been able to experience all of this pregnancy so far and I can’t WAIT for what’s to come. ♥️ Side bar: I LOVE following along on all your adventures with your babes— looking so forward to your book and your beautiful words.
Enneagram! Had to look that up, thought it was a new type of baby scan!
Don’t wait, “keep looking for sunshine,” that’s also one of Eeyore’s quotes!
Awww that’s a great Eeyore quote ♥️ And yes, the Enneagram is new to some, but AMAZING! I highly recommend you check it out more — some great podcasts and books about it. And online quizzes!
I love this! And I love that you’re so close! It’s sent me down a “just wait” nostalgic rabbit hole… here’s my thoughts. Re: summer babies… just wait for all the easily planned birthday parties: pools, beach, water park; it’s honestly so much better than winter. Re: birth… just wait for the moment you get that first twinge of a contraction or your water breaks; it’s next level excitement. Just wait for the experience of a lifetime with childbirth. You’ll be amazed at how this whole thing was designed, and how it actually WORKS automatically. Just wait for the wild contraction ride, it’s like riding waves, painful waves true, but it’s quite something. Just wait for the way this shared experience will bring you and your husband closer together. He will be in awe of you… it’s great 😉. Just wait for that first look at your baby; that moment you see your PERSON, their features, and the way they look at you, oh man that’s a good thing to wait for. Just wait for the first cry, what a sound. Just wait for the peri bottle, yeah… that’s fun, feels nice. Just wait for the realization that you keep getting to grow this little one with milk from your own self. Just wait for the drive home, when you drive slower than you ever have and you can’t even believe this little being gets to come home with you. Just wait for putting them in the crib and the stroller , and in all the little sleepers and things you’ve prepared; it’s so fun. Just wait for the way their pooping makes you laugh time and time again. Just wait for how great it feels to sleep on your stomach for a day (before your milk comes in!). Just wait for the way being a mom changes you, and the way your heart will expand with a brand new kind of love. Just wait, my friend. Not much longer now.
Oh gosh Des, this made me teary (and giggle to even think of the joy of flopping onto my stomach— even if for one cat nap haha). So beautiful— I’m so looking forward to EVERYTHING you shared ♥️
Just wait…. till you feel like you’re moving through the Universe at the speed of light once you lay eyes on your stunningly beautiful daughter. Humanity itself will suddenly make sense, like never before, within one split second. THIS ONE is the one who will crown you as MOM (not the next ones… this is what I always tell my firstborn when he’s having a bad day). You “just wait”!! it’s the BEST!!
Awwww I love that Barb! It’s true— she’s gonna be the momma-maker ♥️
Just wait until you see your little baby for the first time. You look into a face that you’re seeing for the first time, but already love so much, more than you thought possible. Just wait until your baby snuggles on your chest and sleeps and all is right with the world. Just wait for every new day, where you discover something new to love about this precious life ❤
LOVE! I’m so excited for all of these beautiful “just waits!”
OMG I couldn’t agree more… People tend to be so negative in general, and pregnant women really don’t need all that negativity. How beautiful would it be, if all the negatives turned into positive “just waits”… 🙂
SO right!! I found Hypnobirthing was a great remedy to people’s “just waits.” Super positive community filled with positive, peaceful birth stories and after birth stories. I’m so glad I found out about it… saved me a lot of stress haha. I wrote about it a little bit in Suubi’s birth story post (if you’re curious).
I think I read that post already, even checked what’s hypnobirthing 🙂 I am glad it helped you.